Thursday, February 9, 2012

The last couple weeks have absolute been Hell on Earth... to put it lightly :)

Along with my raging hormonal anxiety, Stupidly severe cold that me and Mack caught, and fabulous UTI action that has consumed me, we have been ....drum roll... POTTY TRAINING!!
Why, Oh why would I choose to wait three weeks before my due date to start potty training!?

Two reasons.
#1. we have a fabulous family vacation planned in April that Mack NEEDS to be potty trained for. I didn't realize this until recently, otherwise I would have started MUCH earlier and #2. I assumed that because Mack is a pretty smart kid, quick learner, and detests being dirty that this process would be relatively smooth.

Oh you naive, naive stupid Tracy... you had no idea.

It was a pure battle of wills. My, very fragile, largely pregnant inept will, against Mack's super human strength, size of Texas man-baby will.

There is still no victor. You see, three weeks later, Mack can successfully go potty on the potty chair. ... which is HUGE considering the weeks that we have gone through.. BUT Mack RE-FUSES to poop. In general. Not on the potty, not in his underwear, not at night. NEVER!
Last week I gave the kid 3 ... 3!!!! suppositories and a heavy laxative. And .. nothing. I watched as he held his en-ragingly cute little butt cheeks together and refused to let anything out. He is in pain and screams all the time.

Talk about conflicting emotions. I hate to hear him scream/in pain so half of the time I am stationed next to his potty chair holding him and singing him songs.
The other half of the time I want to (don't worry I don't) slap his little face because he is outright enraging.

Superbowl Sunday was spent this year at my fabulous in laws house.
After watching Mack do the on the potty, off the potty, screaming because he needs to poop dance for about an hour we decided enough was enough. We (my brave husband) gave him an enema. He tried to hold it, but the Poseidon God rules too strongly and he gave in. POOPED HE DID!!!! VIIICTORY!!

... Now it is Thursday and we are back to square one. No poop, holding it, crying, on the potty off the potty poop dance.

Good freaking gravy child.
This is Mack's potty chart. Don't let the stars under the poop section fool you... those happened the first couple of days we were potty training... and we were VERY generous. We also have tried every reward imaginable. ... and everything imaginable!!

Oh, and let me take this time to say... this post is in no way looking for comments to give me suggestions on how to make this easier. In fact, PLEASE don't comment and give me suggestions. We have tried EVERYTHING, and after watching my sister potty train her child in 3 days flat I have just realized that every child is different. So I really don't want to hear that you potty trained you child in one hour by giving him marshmallow mateys yada yada yada. Am it bitter? Damn straight I am!!!! :)
This is the champ with the will of iron.
This picture was taken last December when We tried having a 'potty party,' but decided he wasn't ready.... I was so wise back then.
Here is a redeeming cool boy picture, after the last humiliating one I posted :) I still love my little Mack. I guess we will keep you... but heaven help me if you aren't potty trained by the next Superbowl party!!!

*Side Note* (Dear in-laws,
I am so sorry we ruined your fabulous annual Superbowl party by causing a HUGE scene involving our almost 3 year old, non-pooping child. Everything was delicious and wonderful and I wish we could have enjoyed it more.
With love,
Mother of said, non pooping child)


  1. you know, potty training is easy all you need to do is ... just kidding!

    Rilla has no intentions of going in the potty any time soon. How do I know? She told me. She would like to wear diapers, and will not be going in the potty. Ever. Yeup.

    I guess every genius has their quirks, and this is your little boys. Take comfort in knowing that you can embarrass him with this story when he is a man. Assuming, of course, he isn't still holding it ...

  2. Oh no, I've been very noncommittal in potty training Liliana the past few months. This whole story looks like I'm reading into my future. I hope you guys make it through this soon!

  3. Don't get me started on potty training! Seriously it is the hardest thing I have had to do as a parent thus far. I am not even going to try with Cole until he is 3, not worth it! Well hopefully things turn around soon.
    He does look like such a stud in his glasses though, so he at least he has that going for him!

  4. This post is so funny and sad at the same time. How do kids hold it so long!??

  5. It took Y-E-A-R-S to poop train Michael! He would not acknowledge poop. It was "rocks", yes "rocks" that filled his diaper or fell out on the floor due to those skinny, skinny legs! I reminded him of that horrific time of his/my life. He just laughed. No justice. Auntie Paula